04.03.08
1:16 pm.

With the release of another CD from an artist I look up to I am introduced to more questions and situations that I have been battling with. In the past I have thought about the idea of becoming a musician. You know, touring, sleepless nights, changing people’s lives with your words. Good stuff. I never took the steps to pursue this profession. Do I regret it? I don’t know. I do know that I was being ‘safe’ by not taking the risk. Maybe I was never supposed to take the leap. Maybe God has bigger and better plans for me. That is what I am struggling with right now. I see the glamour and perks of being a musician, but am I only wanting to pursue the career of a musician because the people I look up to are musicians? If so, then I am glad I never went for it. I want to find out my passion in life, uninfluenced from any of my surroundings, so it’s true to my heart. Is that possible though? We encounter so much outside ‘noise’ in our daily lives that it is bound to shape our decisions. I need to find what I love and am passionate about and go for it. Not make decisions based on just going to a concert or reading an incredible book. Those seem to always be impulse buys. I don’t want that. I am in this for the long run and want it to last, whatever career I chose.

So what do I always come back to? I was thinking about this while lying in bed last night. The answer? Writing. I noticed that whenever I have decisions that are troubling me or I want to release some of the tension inside of me I write. I write a journal, or a song, but I rarely pick up a guitar and play music. Sometimes, but that is out of hearing a catchy or touching song and wanting to emulate that. I don’t want my life to be made up of decisions that were based on emulation. I want honesty. I cannot deny the fact that music has been extremely influential in my life over the years. Does that mean I should pursue a career in it? I don’t think so. I mean, someone can have many passions, correct? So I chalk it up that music is one of my passions. We are going to make tough decisions in our life and maybe doubt ourselves but that is the joy of knowing that we aren’t in this life alone. Someone is always looking out for us. Trust that the guidance will be there. I need to work on that.
Writing is something that has recently evolved into a passion for me. high school, even college, I was never really into writing. I am glad to say that has changed. So I think I am going to go with this. The one thing that seems to connect my two passions as of late is writing. Either writing songs, or jotting down journal entries. Words have the ability to change people and I think that is what I am attracted to. I can read a book or album lyrics and I get inspired. So by understanding that I realize that I need to write. That is my goal as of late – write more. Continue to tell my story as it happens.

Thank you.